Evil Dead (2013) review: The Evil Cliché


*spoilers obviously*

I get that each genre has their quirks, and I get that this is a remake, but there is no excuse for it. If you’re ever at a loose end, I highly recommend renting this film and turning this into a drinking game. I counted three pages worth of cliché mush, but here are just a few of its sins. It’s a wonderful homage to the genre.

“I love you.” *kills them* 

This is in the opening sequence, and again, at the end, just in case we missed it earlier. Just think now, in thirty seconds, how many times you’ve seen this? Every other episode of Walking Dead? X Men: Last Stand? etc. etc. etc.

Hot junkies

This is more Hollywood romanticising the whole drug thing. The girl in this is apparently so much of a junkie, she was clinically dead a few weeks back. But instead of being an emaciated, spotty, greasy, jittery mess, she looks like this:-

Jane Levy - promoting Evil Dead at the New York Comic Con - October 13, 2012 5

The most prominent echo of this is in Breaking Bad. Every other junkie character was made to look like a Twiglet with eyes, except Jesse Pinkman, who was smoking hot with luminous TV teeth.

There’s a storm! We CAN’T LEAVE!

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Oh, come on. We’re supposed to believe these kids were in the woods for a vacation, all wearing skimpy clothes, and the weather is bad enough to cause a running river over the one and only road? At one point, one of them says “maybe the rain will stop in a few hours, and we can leave.” What? In a few hours, that fucking LAKE in the road will just dry up and disappear?

Quickfire round:-

evil ded

Run though the woods in the dark! Fall over. 

Dog dies first.

Black chick dies second.

Bathroom mirror Cliché (you know the one)

And the all time classics:-

Dicky flashlight when you really need it

Driving fast with no seatbelt in the rain? ARRGH! someone creepy in the road! *crash*

But the real soul-gratingly jarring, mind-numbingly STUPID cliché that this film is guilty of? Oh, there’s a creepy book made of HUMAN SKIN, filled with demonic scripture, and annotated with blood throughout. One of which says “Don’t read it out loud, dumb ass!” (I’m paraphrasing here) So what does he do? Dumb ass reads it out loud. Of course he does.

 

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Why Hollywood. WHY?!